Povestea pisicilor

Tales of power, Carlos Castaneda

 Having to believe

 Cat’s story

        “ A friend of mine found two kittens, almost dead, inside a dryer in a Laundromat. She revived them and through excellent nourishment and care groomed them into two gigantic cats, a black one and a reddish one.

       Two years later she sold her house. Since she could not take the cats with her and was unable to find another home for them, all she could do under the circumstances was to take them to an animal hospital and have them put to sleep.

            I help her take them. The cats had never been inside a car; she tried to calm them down. They scratched and bit her, especially the reddish cat, the one she called max. When we finally arrived at the animal hospital, she took the black cat first; holding it in her arms, and without saying a word shi got out of the car. The cat played with her; pawing her gently as shi pushed open the glass door to enter the hospital. 

            I glanced at Max; he was sitting in the back. The movement of my head must have scared him, for he dove under the driver’s seat. I made the seat slide backwards…. The cat was lying inside a depression on the floor of the car. He seemed very agitated; his breathing was accelerated. He looked at me; our eyes met and an overwhelming sensation possessed me. Something took hold of my body, a form of apprehension, despair, or perhaps embarrassment for being part of what was taking place.

            I felt a need to explain to Max that it was my friend’s decision, and that I was only helping her. The cat kept on looking at me as if he understood my words.

I looked to see if she was coming. A could see her through the glass door. She was talking to the receptionist. My body felt a strange jolt and automatically I opened the door of my car.

            “Run, Max, run!” I said to the cat.

He jumped out of the car, dashed across the street with his body close to the ground, like a true feline. The opposite side of the street was empty; there were no cars parked and could see Max running down the street along the gutter. He reached the corner of a big boulevard and then dove through the storm drain into the sewer.

My friend came back. I told her that Max has left. She got into the car and we drove away without saying a single word.

In the mounts that followed, the incident became a symbol to me. I fancied or perhaps I saw a weird flicker in Max’s eyes when he looked at me before jumping out of the car. And I believe that for an instant that castrated, overweight, and useless pet became a cat.

I told Don Juan that I was convinced that when Max had run across the street and plunged into the sewer his “cat spirit” was impeccable, and that perhaps at no other time in his life was his “catness” so evident. The impression that the incident left on me was unforgettable.

….

I  thought myself to be like Max, overindulgent, domesticated in many ways, and yet I could not help thinking that there was always the possibility of one moment in which the spirit of man might take over my whole being, just like the spirit of “catness” take over Max’s bloated and useless body.

Don Juan had like the story and had made some casual comments about it.

….

            He stared at me. I held his look for a moment.

“What about the other cat?” he asked.

“Uh? The other cat?” I repeated involuntarily.

            I had forgotten about it. My symbol had rotated around Max. The other cat was no consequence to me.

“But he is!” don Juan exclaimed when I voice my thoughts.” Having to believe means that you have to also account for the other cat. The one that went playfully licking the hands that were carrying him to his doom. That was the cat that went to his death trustingly, filled with his cat’s judgments.

            “You think you’re like Max, therefore you have forgotten about the other cat. You don’t even know his name. Having to believe means that you must consider everything, and before deciding that you are like Max you must consider that you may be like the other cat; instead of running for your life and taking your chances, you may be going to your doom happily, filled with your judgments.”